31 Funny Writing Quotes to Make You Laugh and Keep Going
If you have ever alphabetized your spice rack to avoid Chapter Four, stared at a blinking cursor until your eyes watered, or questioned your life choices because of a plot hole-you are in the right place.
Writing is a strange profession. It requires us to sit alone in a room, hallucinate vivid worlds, and then engage in a wrestling match with the English language to write it all down. It is beautiful, yes. But it is also maddening.
Sometimes, the only way to survive the solitude and the rejection is to laugh. Humor is a survival mechanism for creatives. It reminds us that our struggles with deadlines, grammar, and self-doubt are not unique failures; they are shared badges of honor.
This collection of funny writing quotes serves as a reminder that you are part of a massive, slightly neurotic, wonderful tribe. From Mark Twain to modern wits, these authors have felt your pain and lived to joke about it. Read them when you are stuck. Share them when you need a little solidarity. And then, get back to the page.
The Art of Procrastination & The Blank Page
Let’s start where every writer finds themselves eventually: stuck. The blank page is terrifying, and our ability to invent distractions is nothing short of genius. If you are reading this blog post instead of working on your manuscript, these quotes are dedicated specifically to you.
1. “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” – Douglas Adams
We have all been there. The deadline was yesterday, and here we are, still “researching.” Adams captures that specific mix of panic and denial that fuels most creative projects.
2. “It takes an awful lot of time to not write a book.” – Douglas Adams
Adams appears twice here because he was the king of avoiding work. Not writing is an active, exhausting process. The guilt of not writing takes up more energy than the actual typing ever would.
3. “Writing is easy: All you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.” – Gene Fowler
This is perhaps the most visceral description of writer’s block ever penned. It validates that feeling that writing isn’t just mental; it’s a physical endurance test. If your forehead isn’t bleeding, are you even trying?
4. “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
Progress is progress, right? Sometimes organization feels like creation. If you have formatted your document and chosen a font, give yourself a gold star.
5. “I do not like to write – I like to have written.” – Gloria Steinem
This quote perfectly sums up the writer’s paradox. The process is often torture; the result is euphoria. We endure the verb to get to the noun.
6. “Other than the physical act of putting pen to paper, I can’t think of another more important job duty of the writer than to stare wistfully out a window.” – Terri Guillemets
Do not let anyone tell you that staring out the window isn’t work. That is where the plot holes get fixed. It’s billable hours.
7. “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley
Benchley hits on the ultimate fear: imposter syndrome. Even when you are successful, you suspect it might be a fluke. But hey, if you hang around long enough, nobody questions it.
A wish for the procrastinator: May your distractions be short, your focus be sudden, and may you forgive yourself for the hours spent staring at walls.
Grammar, Style, and the “Rules” Nobody Asked For
Once you finally start typing, you run into the next hurdle: the mechanics. Grammar rules are there to be learned, and then, according to the funniest writers, completely ignored or mocked. If you are obsessing over semicolons, this section will help you breathe.
8. “Never, ever use repetitive redundancies. Don’t use no double negatives. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.” – William Safire
Safire’s ironic list of rules is a classic. It reminds us that language is messy and that trying to be perfect often makes us rigid.
9. “A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the other one.” – Baltasar Gracián
Finally, an honest definition. We pretend we are choosing words for their nuance and rhythm, but sometimes we just don’t want to open the dictionary.
10. “Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” – Mark Twain
Twain offers the best practical advice for removing weak modifiers. It’s aggressive, it’s funny, and it actually works. Your prose becomes stronger when you stop being polite.
11. “Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
Fitzgerald was brutal but correct. If the sentence is funny, you don’t need the punctuation to tell the reader to laugh. Trust your wit.
12. “The road to hell is paved with adverbs.” – Stephen King
This line from On Writing haunts every modern author. Every time you type “suddenly” or “angrily,” you can feel King looming over your shoulder, shaking his head.
13. “There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.” – W. Somerset Maugham
This is liberating. Despite all the workshops and masterclasses, fiction remains a mystery. You have to figure out your own rules for every single book.
14. “Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.” – Mark Twain
Simple, right? Just remove everything that isn’t a masterpiece. Twain had a knack for making the impossible sound like a chore.
A prayer for the perfectionist: May you find the courage to write a messy draft, and the wisdom to know that “good enough” is often exactly what the story needs.
The Beautiful Madness of Being a Writer
Writers are a unique breed. We eavesdrop on strangers, kill off characters we love, and talk to ourselves in the shower. These funny writing quotes celebrate the peculiar identity we all share.
15. “Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.” – Christopher Hampton
Ouch. This one stings because it is true. Criticism is part of the gig, but that doesn’t mean we have to enjoy it. We just have to stand there and take it.
16. “The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.” – Robert Benchley
Financial stability and writing rarely go hand in hand. The “perhaps” in this quote does a lot of heavy lifting. It’s a career of hopeful uncertainty.
17. “An autobiography usually reveals nothing bad about its writer except his memory.” – Franklin P. Jones
We all paint ourselves in the best light. Writers just have the tools to edit their pasts more convincingly than everyone else.
18. “I was sorry to hear my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I am not feeling very well myself.” – Mark Twain
Twain’s mortality humor is timeless. Being a “legend” usually implies you are history. It’s better to be a living, breathing, working writer than a dead genius.
19. “There are two kinds of people who sit around all day thinking about killing people… mystery writers and serial killers. I’m the kind that pays better.” – Richard Castle
If you write thrillers or mysteries, your search history probably has you on a watchlist. It’s a strange job where plotting a murder is just a Tuesday morning. Speaking of screen-worthy humor, if you enjoy witty one-liners from film and TV like this one, check out our collection of the 65 best funny movie quotes.
20. “Never wrong a writer. They get their revenge in print.” – Unknown
This is the ultimate power move. If someone breaks your heart or steals your parking spot, they become the villain in your next short story. It is the cheapest form of therapy available.
21. “I’m a writer. Anything you say or do may be used in a story.” – Unknown
Consider this a fair warning to all friends and family of authors. Nothing is sacred. Everything is material.
A wish for the eccentric soul: May you embrace your weirdness. May you continue to eavesdrop without shame. Your curiosity is your superpower.
Pain, Pleasure, and The Craft Itself
Why do we do this? Why do we return to the keyboard day after day? Because despite the agony, there is magic in it. These quotes acknowledge the struggle while winking at the absurdity of our devotion.
22. “Being an author is being in charge of your own personal insane asylum.” – Terri Guillemets
The voices in your head are real-they just happen to be your characters. Managing their conflicting desires is a full-time management job.
23. “This is what I find encouraging about the writing trades: They allow lunatics to seem saner than sane.” – Kurt Vonnegut
Vonnegut understood that writing gives structure to chaos. It allows us to take our wildest, strangest thoughts and package them into something society accepts as “art.”
24. “We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.” – Kurt Vonnegut
Every new project feels like a freefall. You never know if you can fly until you leap. It’s terrifying, but the view is spectacular.
25. “Writers spend three years rearranging 26 letters of the alphabet. It’s enough to make you lose your mind day by day.” – Richard Price
When you break it down like that, it does sound futile. But look at what those 26 letters can do when you get them in the right order.
26. “I think all writing is a disease. You can’t stop it.” – William Carlos Williams
It’s incurable. Once you start seeing the world as a series of narratives, you can’t turn it off. You are infected with story.
27. “It ain’t whatcha write, it’s the way atcha write it.” – Jack Kerouac
Voice is everything. You can write about the most mundane topic, but if you do it with style and rhythm, people will read it. If you’re looking for more lines that capture that specific charm and charisma, look through these funny quotes to make him smile, which prove that delivery is everything.
28. “Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.” – Unknown
A bit meta, isn’t it? We all want immortality. Some build statues; writers build sentences.
A prayer for the weary writer: May you remember that your struggle is creating something that didn’t exist before. You are pulling magic out of thin air.
Wisdom Wrapped in Wit
We end with a few quotes that manage to be funny while hitting on a deeper truth about the craft. These are the ones you print out and tape above your desk.
29. “The beautiful part about writing is that you don’t have to get it right the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon.” – Robert Cormier
This is the ultimate comfort. No one dies if your first draft is garbage. You can fix it. You can always fix it.
30. “I’m not a very good writer… but I’m an excellent rewriter.” – James A. Michener
Michener reveals the secret: writing is rewriting. The first draft is just you telling the story to yourself. The polish is where the art happens.
31. “You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.” – Ray Bradbury
Bradbury isn’t talking about alcohol; he’s talking about passion. Stay intoxicated by your ideas. Let your enthusiasm protect you from the cynicism of the world. It’s a similar sentiment to the absurdity found in Monty Python; sometimes you have to laugh at life to get through it. For more on finding meaning through humor, read our take on Life of Brian quotes.
A final wish: May your passion remain louder than your doubt.
FAQs About Funny Writing Quotes
Q: What is a good funny quote about writer’s block?
A: Gene Fowler’s quote about staring at a piece of paper “until drops of blood form on your forehead” is the gold standard. It humorously captures the physical intensity of mental blockage without being too discouraging.
Q: Can I use these quotes for social media captions?
A: Absolutely. Quotes like “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done” work perfectly for Instagram or Twitter (X) to give your followers a behind-the-scenes look at your writing life. It builds connection through shared struggle.
Q: Why do writers joke so much about suffering?
A: Humor helps process the isolation and rejection inherent in the industry. By joking about the difficulty, writers validate each other’s experiences and make the solitary act of creation feel less lonely.
Q: Are these funny writing quotes suitable for students?
A: Yes, most are appropriate and relatable for students. Douglas Adams’ quotes about deadlines are particularly popular with anyone facing a term paper or thesis submission.
Keep Laughing, Keep Writing
The writing life is not for the faint of heart. It asks for your vulnerability, your time, and your sanity. But as these funny writing quotes prove, you are in excellent company. Every author you admire has stared at a blank page and felt like a fraud. They all procrastinated. They all hated their adverbs.
So, the next time you feel like throwing your laptop out the window, take a breath. Read one of these quotes. Laugh at the absurdity of it all. And then, write one more sentence. Because the world needs your weird, wonderful words.