29 Carrie Bradshaw Quotes Funny Enough to Pray By
Imagine Carrie Bradshaw, the tutu-clad philosopher of Manhattan, sashaying down Perry Street. She isn’t just a character; she’s the patron saint of bad dates, overpriced footwear, and the eternal quest for “ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.”
If you are currently surviving the wilds of modern romance-dodging ghosters, debating if rent is more important than boots, or wondering if you’re the “leper” of your friend group-you need more than just advice. You need spiritual intervention. Or, at the very least, a good laugh.
These carrie bradshaw quotes funny moments serve as the perfect affirmations for the single soul. They remind us that while life is messy, our outfits (and our wit) should always be fabulous. We have curated 29 hilarious lines that capture the essence of Sex and the City. Think of these not just as captions for your next Instagram post, but as modern prayers for your love life, your closet, and your sanity.
Let’s get the Cosmos ready.
Carrie Bradshaw Quotes Funny: The Gospel of Shoes
Let’s start where Carrie’s devotion is strongest: the altar of high fashion. For Carrie, a shoe store wasn’t just retail; it was a sanctuary. When life falls apart, a pair of Manolos can hold you together. If you have ever prioritized footwear over food, these funny carrie bradshaw quotes are your scripture.
1. The Mythical Discovery
“Oh my god! Do you know what these are?! Manolo Blahnik Mary Janes! I thought these were an urban shoe myth.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Prayer: May your closet be blessed with mythical finds that ground your soul, even when your bank account floats away.
2. The Only Open Door You Need
“When one door closes, a shoebox opens.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Vibe: Forget optimism about opportunities. This is about immediate, tangible gratification. It’s the perfect justification for retail therapy after a breakup.
3. The Old Woman in the Shoe
“I’ve spent $40,000 on shoes and I have no place to live? I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Vibe: The realization hits hard, but let’s be honest-at least the shoes are fabulous. It’s a hilarious look at the financial denial many fashion lovers live in.
4. The Cardinal Rule of Closets
“You can never have too many pairs of shoes.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Prayer: Grant me the shelf space to accommodate my habits, and the serenity to ignore anyone who says “you don’t need those.”
5. Visual Assets
“I like my money where I can see it-hanging in my closet.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Vibe: Stocks crash. Crypto is volatile. But a vintage Dior dress? That is a tangible asset. This quote validates every impulse buy you’ve ever made.
6. Real Estate vs. Beauty
“Beauty is fleeting, but a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park is forever.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Vibe: In New York (and life), security is sexy. This line proves Carrie had her priorities straight, even if her spending habits suggested otherwise.
Dating Disasters & 40-Something Men Mysteries
If there is one thing SATC taught us, it’s that men are baffling creatures. Whether it was Mr. Big, Aidan, or the guy who lived with his parents, the show nailed the absurdity of dating. Looking for funny love quotes to make him laugh? These might make him nervous instead, because they are painfully accurate.
Here are the best Carrie Bradshaw quotes funny enough to text your group chat after a bad date.
7. The Crossword Analogy
“Men in their 40s are like the New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle: Tricky, complicated, and you’re never really sure you got the right answer.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Prayer: Guide us through the tricky puzzles to the uncomplicated hearts. And please, give us a cheat sheet for the emotionally unavailable ones.
8. The Hard-to-Get Paradox
“Don’t play hard to get with a man who’s hard to get.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Vibe: Practical advice wrapped in wit. It’s a reminder to stop chasing people who are running in the opposite direction.
9. The Universal Truth of Hookups
“The good ones screw you, the bad ones screw you, and the rest don’t know how to screw you.”
- Samantha Jones (via Carrie’s narration)
The Vibe: Sometimes you have to borrow wisdom from Samantha. It’s cynical, hilarious, and unfortunately, often true.
10. The L-Word Phenomenon
“It’s so interesting, you can tell a man ‘I hate you’ and you’ll have the best sex of your life, but tell him ‘I love you,’ and you’ll probably never see him again.”
- Samantha Jones (via Carrie’s narration)
The Prayer: May we find the balance between passion and vulnerability without scaring them off into the witness protection program.
11. The Size Issue
“You dated Mr. Big. I’m dating Mr. Too Big.”
- Samantha Jones (via Carrie’s narration)
The Vibe: Only in the SATC universe is this a legitimate problem. It’s a laugh-out-loud moment that puts our own “problems” into perspective.
12. The Botany of Men
“Men aren’t that complicated. They’re kind of like plants.”
- Samantha Jones (via Carrie’s narration)
The Vibe: Water them, give them sunlight, and don’t expect them to talk back too much. A hilarious simplification of the male psyche.
13. The Fool Me Twice Update
“F–k me badly once, shame on you. F–k me badly twice, shame on me.”
- Samantha Jones (via Carrie’s narration)
The Vibe: A crude but essential remix of the classic proverb. It’s a boundary-setting mantra for the modern age.
Sassy Friendships and Brutal Honesty
The true love story of Sex and the City wasn’t Carrie and Big; it was Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha. Their banter was sharp, fast, and full of love disguised as insults. If you need Drake quotes funny captions for your squad photos, you might want to swap them for these savage Carrie lines.
14. The Reality Check
“How do you have any female friends?”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Prayer: Bless our squad with the honesty that heals, even if it stings like a chemical peel.
15. The Direct Diagnosis
“You have problems.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Vibe: Short. Sweet. Delivered with love. It’s the perfect response when your best friend suggests texting her toxic ex.
16. The Dramatic Exit
“Please kill yourselves.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Vibe: Said in jest (usually at a wedding or baby shower), this captures the exhaustion of witnessing overly happy couples when you’re single.
17. The Sarcastic Compliment
“You sound like a catch!”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Vibe: The ultimate sarcastic comeback to a man explaining why he’s still single (usually after listing his bizarre requirements for women).
18. The Drive-Thru Reality
“Get it, because they don’t serve Cosmopolitans at drive-thrus!”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Prayer: May our road trips always lead to places with proper glassware and a bartender who knows how to twist a lemon peel.
Wild Wisdom and Cosmic Laughs
Sometimes, you have to laugh at the universe before it laughs at you. Carrie’s philosophy often swerved into the spiritual-or at least, the “spirits” section of the menu. These carrie bradshaw quotes funny lines double as affirmations for the wild women who refuse to settle.
For more cinematic wisdom that mixes humor with life lessons, check out our collection of 65 best movie quotes funny moments.
19. The Cosmic Joke
“The universe may not always play fair, but at least it’s got a hell of a sense of humor.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Prayer: I accept that my life is a sitcom. I just ask for better writers next season.
20. The Untamed Soul
“Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Vibe: This is the anthem for every woman who has been told she is “too much.” Never shrink yourself; just find someone with a bigger world.
21. The Freak Theory
“Somewhere out there is another little freak who will love us and understand us and kiss our three heads and make it all better.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Prayer: I summon my fellow freak. May our weirdness mesh perfectly.
22. The Optimism of Failure
“Life gives you lots of chances to screw up, which means you have just as many chances to get it right.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Vibe: A comforting reminder that mistakes are just plot twists. You haven’t failed; you’re just gathering material for your memoirs.
23. The Wrong Turn
“Sometimes the wrong choices lead us to the right places.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Vibe: Did you date the wrong guy? Buy the wrong dress? Take the wrong job? It’s all part of the scenic route to destiny.
“I Couldn’t Help But Wonder” Absurdities
No list of SATC funny quotes is complete without the iconic voiceovers. Carrie’s internal monologue was a mix of deep philosophy and absolute absurdity. She asked the questions we were all thinking but were too afraid to say out loud.
24. The Physics of Beauty
“I wondered if there wasn’t some kind of physics for beauty. Maybe two models repelled; maybe models could only be attracted to ordinary humans.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Vibe: Trying to rationalize why the beautiful people aren’t dating each other. It’s science, obviously.
25. The Baby Shower Horror
“As I watched Laney tear open a terry cloth baby bib, with the same enthusiasm she once reserved for tearing off rock stars’ pants, I couldn’t help but wonder, was I next?”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Vibe: The existential dread of the biological clock colliding with your party lifestyle.
26. The Baseball Odds
“Do you know what the odds of catching a fly ball are? I didn’t. But I couldn’t help wondering if they were any higher than finding a relationship that would last.”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Vibe: Statistics are depressing, but framing them through baseball makes it slightly more sporty.
27. The Modern Leper
“As I walked home, I couldn’t help but wonder… When did being alone become the modern-day equivalent of being a leper?”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Prayer: Protect me from the pity of smug married couples. My solitude is a choice (mostly).
28. The Secret Behavior
“I couldn’t help but wonder, what do we do when no one is looking? Do we eat crackers over the sink? Do we dance naked to 80s hits?”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Vibe: Celebrating the weird, unsexy things we do in private. (And yes, we definitely eat crackers over the sink).
29. The Zsa Zsa Zsu
“I couldn’t help but wonder, is the ‘Zsa Zsa Zsu’ a myth? Like a unicorn, or a rent-controlled apartment?”
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The Vibe: The search for that spark-that electric connection that makes all the bad dates worth it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What is the most famous funny Carrie Bradshaw quote?
A: “I’ve spent $40,000 on shoes and I have no place to live? I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes.” It perfectly encapsulates the character’s lovable irresponsibility and fashion obsession.
Q: Are there quotes about being single from Carrie Bradshaw?
A: Absolutely. One of the best is, “Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.” It reframes singledom as a powerful choice rather than a lack of options.
Q: Can I use these quotes for Instagram captions?
A: Yes! These quotes are perfect for social media. Short lines like “I like my money where I can see it-hanging in my closet” perform exceptionally well on fashion posts.
Q: Did Carrie write all these quotes in her column?
A: Most of these lines appeared as voiceovers while she was writing her “Sex and the City” column in the show, representing her internal monologue and the questions she posed to her readers.
Carrie’s funny quotes remind us of a vital truth: Love is messy, mistakes are inevitable, but a good laugh (and a great pair of heels) can fix almost anything. Whether you are running wild and free or just running to the nearest sample sale, let these words be the “prayers” that get you through the day.
As Carrie might say, I couldn’t help but wonder… if you share these quotes, will the universe send you a little bit of magic?
Which quote is your spirit animal? Create a custom prayer card with your favorite line on Quoteprayers.com and share it with the world!
